1. Get 24 boxes of tampons and put the in the guys carts when they aren’t looking 2. Set all the alarm clocks in the house ware department to go off at 5 minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies restrooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official voice ‘Code 3 in house ware’….and see what happens. 5. Go to the desk and ask to put a bag of M&Ms on lay-by. 6. Move a ‘Caution-Wet Floor’ sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers your sleeping over: invite them in, if they bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask ‘why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ 9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department(which we don't have in Australia), ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming to the theme from ‘mission impossible’ 12. In the auto department, practice you ‘Madonna look’ using different sized funnels. 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through say ‘PICK ME PICK ME’ 14. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream. NO! It’s those voices again! And last but not least 15. Go into the fitting room, shut the door and wait awhile then yell loudly. There’s no toilet paper here.

This was apparently in the Washington Post... the title of the
article was "Best Come Back Line Ever."

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white
male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday.

Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public
indecency,and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse
on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin
patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside,
and there was no one around for miles.  At least I thought there wasn't
" he stated in a phone interview. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled
over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was
appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to
satisfy his alleged "need."
"Guess I was really into it, you know?" he commented with evident
embarrassment.

In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett
County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until
officer Brenda Taylor approached him.
"That was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor
"I walked up to Lawrence and he's...just pumping away at this
pumpkin."
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached
Lawrence.
"I just went up and said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that
you're having sex with a pumpkin?". "

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then
looked me straight in the face and said ...
"A pumpkin?   F*** me , is it midnight already?"

According to studies, the first letter of your first name reveals your
sexual identity... What do you think?

-A-
You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. You
mean business. With you, what you see is what you get. You have no patience
for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy,
cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up front person. When it
comes to sex, it's action that counts not obscure hints. Your mate's
physical attractiveness is important to you. You find the chase and
challenge of the "hunt" invigorating. You are passionate and sexual as well
as being much more adventurous than you appear; however, you do not go
around advertising these qualities. Your physical needs are your primary
concern.

-B-
You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and
dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an expression of the
affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper
your mate. You are private in your expression of endearments and
particularly when it comes to lovemaking. You will hold off until
everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite and
abstain from sex if need be. You require new sensations and experiences.
You are willing to experiment.

-C-
You are a very social individual; you must be able to talk to your sex
partner before. You want the object of your affection to be socially
acceptable and good looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion.
You are very sexual and sensual, needing someone to appreciate and almost
worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to go for
long periods without sexual activity. You are an expert at controlling your
desires and doing without.

-D-
Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full steam
ahead in pursuit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing
and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly
sexual, passionate, loyal, and intense in you're involvement, sometimes
possessive and jealous. Sex to you is a pleasure to be enjoyed. The
eccentric and unusual, having a free and open stimulate you.>

-E-
Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you
have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you
are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion
for a bed mate. You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good
argument once in a while it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for
the challenge is more important than the sexual act for you, but once you
give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. When you don't have a
good lover to fall asleep with, you will fall asleep with a good book.
(Sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good book.)

-F-
You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look
for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet once comitted,
you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate.
Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born
romantic. Dramatic love scenes are your favourite fantasy pastime. You can
be a very generous lover.

-G-
You are fastidious, seeking perfection within yourself and your lover. You
respond to a lover who is your intellectual equal or superior, and one who
can enhance your status. You are sensuous and know how to reach the peak of
erotic stimulation, because you work at it meticulously. You can be
extremely active sexually that is, when you find the time. Your duties and
responsibilities take precedence over everything else. You may have
difficulty getting emotionally close to a lover, but no trouble getting
close sexually.

-H-
You seek a mate who can enhance your reputation and earning ability. You
will be very generous to your lover once you have attained a commitment.
Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the
commitment, though, you tend to be frugal in your spending and dating
habits and equally cautious in your sexual involvement. You are a sensual
and patient lover.

-I-
You have a great need to be loved, appreciated... Even worshipped. You
enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You look for lovers
who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless
that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your
desires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of
sexual expression. You bore easily and thus require sexual adventure and
change. You are more sensual than sexual, but you are sometimes downright
lustful.

-J-
You are totally fucking marvellous!

-K-
You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner
is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your expression of love
and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners,
provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that
your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it
difficult to sustain the well. Only you see her. You require loving,
cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated.

-L-
You are very romantic, idealistic, and somehow you believe that to love
means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate or attracting people who
have unusual troubles. You see yourself as your lover's saviour. You are
sincere, passionate, lustful, and dreamy. You can't help falling in love.
You fantasize and get turned on by movies and magazines. You do not tell
others of this secret life, nor of your sexual fantasies.

-M-
You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw
your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred.
You are all consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and
intense.. You believe in total sexual freedom. You are willing to try
anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You
also enjoy mothering your mate.

-N-
You are crap in bed.

-O-
You are very interested in sexual activities yet secretive and shy about
your desires. You can re-channel much of your sexual energy into making
money and/or seeking power. You can easily have extended periods of
celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate, sexual lover, requiring the
same qualities from your mate. Sex is serious business; thus you demand
intensity diversity, and are willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes
your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.

-P-
You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of doing
anything that might harm your image or reputation. Appearances count,
therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy;
a good fight stimulates those sex vibes. You are free of sexual hang-ups.
You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things. You are
very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of
physical gratification.

-Q-
You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical
energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you, sexually or
otherwise. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people
of other ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and lots of
conversation to turn you on and keep you going.

-R-
You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can
keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal the smarter the
better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great
body. However, physical attractiveness is very important to you. You have
to be proud of your partner. You are privately very sexy, but you do not
bed, you are willing to serve as teacher. Sex is important; you can be a
very demanding playmate.

-S-
You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and
passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will
this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the
nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the
trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very
seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the
right person to come along.

-T-
You are very sensitive, private, and sexually passive; you like a partner
who takes the lead. Music, soft lights and romantic thoughts turn you on.
You fantasize, but do not tend to fall in and out of love easily.. When in
love, you are romantic, idealistic, mushy, and extremely intense. You enjoy
having your senses and your feelings stimulated, titillated, and teased..
You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams,
oftentimes all in your own head.

-U-
You are enthusiastic and idealistic when in love. When not in love, you are
in love with love, always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as
a challenge. You are a roamer and need adventure, excitement, and freedom.
You deal in potential relationships. You enjoy giving gifts and enjoy
seeing your mate looking good. Your sex drive is strong and you desire
instant gratification. You are willing to put your partner's pleasures
above your own.

-V-
You are individualistic, and you need freedom, space, and excitement. You
wait until you know someone well before committing yourself. Swing someone
means psyching him/ her out. You feel a need to get into his head to see
what makes him/ her tick. You are attracted to eccentric types. Often there
is an age difference between you and your lover. You respond to danger,
thrills, and suspense. The gay scene turns you on, even though you yourself
may not be a participant.

-W-
You are very proud, determined, and you refuse to take no for an answer
when pursuing love. Your ego is at stake. You are romantic, idealistic, and
often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner as he or she really
is. You feel deeply and throw all of yourself into your relationships.
Nothing is too good for your lover. You enjoy playing love games.

-X-
You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more
than one relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind.
You talk while you make love. You can have the greatest love affairs, all
by yourself, in your own head.

-Y-
You are sexual, sensual, and very independent. If you can't have it your
way, you will forgo the whole thing. You want to control your
relationships, which doesn't always work out too well. You respond to
physical stimulation, enjoy necking and spending hours just touching,
feeling and exploring. However, if you can spend your time making money,
you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You need to
prove to yourself and your partner what a great lover you are. You want
feedback on your performance. You are an open, stimulating, romantic
bedmate.

-Z-
For you, it is business before pleasure. If you are in any way bothered by
career, business, or money concerns, you find it very hard to relax and get
into the mood. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault and are
capable of much sensuality. But you never lose control of your emotions.
You are very careful and cautious before you give your heart away and your
body, for that matter. Once you make the commitment, though, you stick like
glue.

 

This guys blogs are so funny!! Here one below, for the rest go to;http://spaces.msn.com/members/myspacesconcey16/   its ure 1st time, as u lie bak ure muscles tightn u put him off 4 a lil wile searchn 4 an xcuse but He refused to b swayed as He aproaches u he asks if ur afraid-u shake ya head bravely. he has mre experience, bt its the 1st time his finger has found the rite place. his cool smile relaxes u and u open wider to giv him mre room 4 entry! u begin 2 plead and beg him 2 hurri but he takes it slowly wnting 2 cause u as lil pain as possible. As he presses closa going deepr u feel the tissue. pain surges thru out ur body and u feel the slight tricle of blood as he continues! He looks @ u concerned and asks if it's painful. Ure eyes r filld with tears but u shake ya head and nod for him 2 go on. He begins going in and out with skill but u r now 2 numb to feel within u. Afta a fu moments, u feel sumfn burstn within u and he pulls it out of u, u lay panting, glad 2 hav it ova with. He looks @ u and smiling tells u with a chuckle that u have been his most stubborn bt yet most rewarding experience! u smile nd thank ure dentist. after all, it was ur 1st time 2 av a tooth pulld out! wat were u thinkin of ?!?    Hahaha! You all know what I am thinking! Don't pretend you weren't thinking it... you were!

racist!!